[A] mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled...

My mom and my sister and I!

I hate buying Mother's Day cards.  The one's with that faux-perfect handwriting font and embossed flowers with sentiments written by someone paid by the syllable.  I feel like they are designed for those TV moms who can deliver some profound lesson to her children in 23 minutes while never breaking a sweat or burning dinner.  My mom is not perfect.  It took me a long time to realize that my mom is a human being.

When I was growing up, my parents divorced, and it took my mom a couple of tries before she met the man of her dreams.  It was really hard, watching my mom hurting because someone had hurt her, while she struggled to deal with two girls who desperately needed her because we were hurting too.  We moved a lot when I was little.  I am not 100% sure why, but as an adult now myself, I imagine the fact that we did not have a lot of money might have had something to do with that.  My mom sometimes embarrassed me by singing really loudly in the car (she does not now, nor has she ever sounded like her beloved Barbara Streisand, but that has never stopped her from trying).  She also embarrassed me by being brutally honest in front of my friends.  I will never forget the time I thought I had invented this really silly sounding word.  One of my friends was hanging out, and I used my newly found, interesting sounding word (the one I invented), only to have my mom graphically explain that it was a bad, bad word and then define it while I sat horrified and my friend stood speechless, finally erupting in laughter.

My mom and I when my dad was sick

I have never fought with anyone like I fight with my mom.  As a teenager, I was incredibly self-righteous (I still struggle with this).  My mom and I fought, screamed, cried, screamed, fought, ate, slept, screamed, cried, fought...Even as an adult my mom and I have had some difficult disagreements, leading to us both feeling ashamed for the way we have behaved, crying when they finally seem to resolve themselves.

I do not love my mom in spite of these facts, I love her because of these things.  My mom raised my sister and I by herself until I was in the fifth grade, and she finally hit the jackpot and married a man that truly loves her for who she really is, just like I do.  Thank you mom for teaching me that true love is out there and it is worth it.  And, until you find it, dang it, you are capable of anything.

My mom's brutal honesty hurt my feelings sometimes, but I also always knew when she said something she meant it.  I learned to believe in myself because if my mom said I was smart, it was true, so I should believe it.  She would not say it if she didn't mean it.  As for the embarrassing thing, some of my old boyfriends still message my mom on Facebook because they loved her.  They loved that she was genuine and cared about them.  Thank you mom for teaching me that the most painful honesty is the most loving act one person can give another and for letting me see someone who was unafraid to be herself --dealing honestly with people from all different places, social classes and cultures. 

My mom and my sister in I in the ICU waiting room, making the best of things

The fighting was and is so difficult and hurtful.  Surprisingly, it is probably one of the reasons I am thankful for my mom.  My mom raised two women who believe in themselves and are willing to fight for what they believe in.  My mom taught me never to back down.  But she also showed me, no matter what happens, I will always have her.  My mom fought for my sister and I, always making sure we were getting educated and cared for, and never allowing us to make excuses.  The bravery it takes to raise a strong-willed person is immeasurable.  Thank you mom for standing up for what you believe in, and allowing me to painfully find my own beliefs.

And, despite everything, if my sister or my mom ever needed anything, the three of us would be there.  We would move heaven and earth to be there for each other--no questions asked.  Thank you, mom, for always welcoming me home and loving me.  Thank you for giving me a purpose and a place that despite my mouth, my emotions, my differences--thank you for showing me what the word unconditional means.  I love you forever and always.

Last night at Sonic with this amazing young man

As I being a new chapter of being a mom for my son, I embrace the fact that I have been an incredibly flawed mom.  I know only that I love my children as fiercely and as passionately as I know how.  I know that they know that they will always have a safe place, and a crazy, embarrassing, honest, loud, passionate woman who always has their back.  I pray it is enough.  Happy Mother's Day!