To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

Beautiful Spring Day with these two amazing people!

It is Easter Sunday.  I am blessed.  I have really thought about what to write about today.  It was a great week.  My students and I worked on their final Huck Finn projects, which ended up being hilarious, beautiful, and profound, just as Twain would have wanted.  I got to spend a little bit of quality time with my son, which is something I treasure more and more each passing moment.  I laughed with my daughter and one of her dear friends over ice cream as the days continue to amaze me with their beauty.  I do, indeed, cherish all these things, but that is not what has been on my mind as I have seen so many beautiful posts about the sacrifice and redemptive promises of Easter.

As a human being, I label myself with many titles, mom, wife, teacher, daughter, sister, and friend.  I have failed at all of these things.  I am an extraordinarily flawed human being.  I have made so many mistakes it would be hard to know where to begin and where to end in discussing my errors.  Some have been funny, some have been hurtful to me, but a lot of my screw-ups have hurt other people.  Yet, despite all of these errors, I am confident that I am loved and blessed.  That is truly a miracle.

I have written about my failures before on this blog, and that is not what I want to write about today (trust me when I tell you I could write for an entire year about my failures and have plenty left to spare).  Today, I want you to know that I cherish forgiveness.  Complete, total, no holding back, no: “I’m bringing that up next time we fight so I can win,” forgiveness.  I am not very good at it.  I am working on it.  I have gotten better at it.  And when I am able to forgive like that, it is the most awesome feeling in the world.

I have a classroom policy, that whatever happens between a student and I, if we work it out, it is over. If a student misbehaves (which they do), I usually put them in the hall until I can speak with them about it.  Once I speak with them about it, and try to understand from their perspective, and I explain my perspective, I usually ask for a letter of apology for whatever transgression has occurred.  Once I receive that apology (which is really just for the student to reflect about their choices) I give the student a hug and tell them it is a new day.  I really mean it.  I know the only way to help that student and I achieve our goals is to move on to the next day with a clean conscience.  Most students don’t trust me at first.  Depending on the offense, I often don’t trust myself.  Sometimes I think about the stuff that happened, but I stop myself.  That is in the past.  I have to move on.  It feels great to celebrate with a student who overcomes bad choices.  Who am I to hold them back?

My beautiful sister who has truly forgiven me and is always there for me!

This is easier to do in my classroom than in my life.  Students are supposed to act crazy sometimes (although I have seen some misbehavior I could not have even imagined).  I have been hurt sometimes by people I trusted in my life.  It has made some things in my life much more difficult than they needed to be.  I held on to the pain for a very long time.  A lot of people tried to help me, and a lot of people where there for me, but because I didn’t want to forgive—in fact I felt righteous in my anger—I often times hurt the people that were there for me.  However, I have had the chance, as I have grown up, to forgive.  To forgive without conditions.  It was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.  Sometimes I feel anger and indignation rise up in me.  But I don’t let it win.  The feeling of forgiving, truly forgiving, has been therapeutic and has opened me up to being a better person.  I still fail, but even the journey is redemptive.  I have felt the weight, not of the hurt inflicted by another person, but the weight of the hurt I allowed myself to reveal in, lifted from me.  I felt tons lighter—lightened by a burden I didn’t even realize was weighing me down.

As you celebrate your Easter Sunday, and you allow yourself to believe in the power of renewal, rebirth, forgiveness, and redemption, know that the act of forgiving and truly moving on is one of the most important gifts you can give to yourself.  Happy Easter, friends!  Much, much love!  Blessings!