"To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”
One week ago, I was arriving home from my grandmother's funeral. I was tired and a little bit sad. I understood that my grandma was in a better place and I was grateful that she did not suffer. I cherished the time I got to spend with my family (particularly my son who will be graduating from high school and moving out soon), but I recognized the reality that with her passing, a large part of my childhood was going as well. I would probably not return to the place where she lived and where I had made many memories. I attempted to recover from the stressful week throughout the weekend. Finally, on Sunday I decided to go to my classroom to find out what had happened while I had been out for three days (an eternity in sub-time). As I walked down the hallway, I was eager to be back in a place that means a lot to me, and I was excited about the coming week. When I got to my door, there was a single sheet of red construction paper on the door that said, "We Love You!" hanging in the window. I was surprised and I appreciated the gesture. As I opened the door and turned on the light I saw pieces of construction paper all around the room. The first one was pink and declared I was this student's "favoritest teacher"-tears started to fill my eyes. There were 25 notes placed all around the room, on my podium, in my laptop, on my chair, all with declarations of love and prayers. There was a note on the white board, that read, "Your zero hour loves you!" Then I realized another overwhelming fact--these students had all come in after their school day was over to do this for me. Seniors in high school, on a Valentine's Day Friday night, had stayed after school to do this for me. Many of the notes were simple, they probably took the students a few moments to make and to put up, but the most amazing fact of all is that they did it. I guess what I cherish is the DOING.
As a teacher, I often come up with crazy ideas. I think to myself, this might be cool to try. I guess what makes me super crazy (and blessed to have such an amazing partner in crime by my side) is that I learned early in my career that thinking about it will never change anything. My first year teaching I thought about how cool it would be to have the students create websites for a project they were working on. I didn't know anything about how to do that but surely it couldn't be too complicated. I talked to the other teacher on my team, and she was all in to, so we did it. Yep, it was hard. Yep, we had no idea what we were doing. But we learned so much from that process. Our students got frustrated, silly, upset--but finally proud and accomplished when we made it work. You see, it wasn't the idea of doing something crazy, it was the act of actually doing it that made us all come together to create something that although not nearly as awesome as I imagined, it was actually awesomer because it existed.
I haven't written very much about my daughter on this blog because I have a lot to say about her and I am kind of saving up to write about her. My daughter is one of the most interesting people I have ever met. She is 14 years old and utterly fearless. She is the queen of going for it. When she enters into a room, she makes sure everyone knows it. I admire her and worry about her and am awed by her every day. Her favorite thing to do is act and sing, especially if she can make people laugh. A lot of people think that fearless people like my daughter don't care what people think about them, but they are wrong. She does care what people think about her, but she has come to the realization that the act of doing things that she loves is more important than the judgement some people make. It is incredibly wise and scary for anyone, but for a 14 year old struggling to make sense of the world it is one of the bravest things I have ever seen.
This Friday she was invited to help out with a local charity that works with abused children. She was so excited about going. When she got home, she explained that she couldn't talk to me about the names of her new little friends but she could talk to me about how the act of spending an hour with these children changed her. She talked about how if she had not known these little kids had been in bad situations she might never have known they were any different from any other children she might see. She talked to me about the importance of giving time and understanding people's stories because if we don't do that, we might never be able to help anyone. I can talk all day about empathy but my daughter knows that the only way to achieve true empathy is through doing. I was overwhelmed. I thought about how often I had ideas to do something and the time got away or something came up or my fear stopped me. It will happen again. I hope it will happen less often.
You see, for me, all these things are related. My students, my teaching, my daughter--the reason simple things matter is because someone thoughtfully PARTICIPATED! I fail a lot in my classroom. I fail honestly and because I try crazy things that I think will help my students learn. Many people look at me and wonder what I must be thinking. Some people shake their heads and tell me things will never work. They are usually right, but I love the trying. And for my students and I, we learn more from participating in our own failures than watching or thinking about someone else's success. I am inspired by my students and my daughter who urge me to keep doing because the doing is what matters.
It is a lot like this blog. Every week, I sit at my computer and I make myself think about what I cherish, and I write it. The writing is great and I really feel thankful I am spending at least an hour a week writing. But pushing that orange "Publish" button scares the crap out of me. What will people think? Will people read it? Does it matter? Nope--I'm taking a lesson from Liv, I'm putting it out there and trying to understand that it is the act of doing it that matters. Because I guess when it comes down to it, the consequences of failure should be measured not against the fear or humiliation, but the price of not doing, and for me, that cost is always higher.
As a teacher, I often come up with crazy ideas. I think to myself, this might be cool to try. I guess what makes me super crazy (and blessed to have such an amazing partner in crime by my side) is that I learned early in my career that thinking about it will never change anything. My first year teaching I thought about how cool it would be to have the students create websites for a project they were working on. I didn't know anything about how to do that but surely it couldn't be too complicated. I talked to the other teacher on my team, and she was all in to, so we did it. Yep, it was hard. Yep, we had no idea what we were doing. But we learned so much from that process. Our students got frustrated, silly, upset--but finally proud and accomplished when we made it work. You see, it wasn't the idea of doing something crazy, it was the act of actually doing it that made us all come together to create something that although not nearly as awesome as I imagined, it was actually awesomer because it existed.
I haven't written very much about my daughter on this blog because I have a lot to say about her and I am kind of saving up to write about her. My daughter is one of the most interesting people I have ever met. She is 14 years old and utterly fearless. She is the queen of going for it. When she enters into a room, she makes sure everyone knows it. I admire her and worry about her and am awed by her every day. Her favorite thing to do is act and sing, especially if she can make people laugh. A lot of people think that fearless people like my daughter don't care what people think about them, but they are wrong. She does care what people think about her, but she has come to the realization that the act of doing things that she loves is more important than the judgement some people make. It is incredibly wise and scary for anyone, but for a 14 year old struggling to make sense of the world it is one of the bravest things I have ever seen.
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| Guess which one belongs to me? |
This Friday she was invited to help out with a local charity that works with abused children. She was so excited about going. When she got home, she explained that she couldn't talk to me about the names of her new little friends but she could talk to me about how the act of spending an hour with these children changed her. She talked about how if she had not known these little kids had been in bad situations she might never have known they were any different from any other children she might see. She talked to me about the importance of giving time and understanding people's stories because if we don't do that, we might never be able to help anyone. I can talk all day about empathy but my daughter knows that the only way to achieve true empathy is through doing. I was overwhelmed. I thought about how often I had ideas to do something and the time got away or something came up or my fear stopped me. It will happen again. I hope it will happen less often.
You see, for me, all these things are related. My students, my teaching, my daughter--the reason simple things matter is because someone thoughtfully PARTICIPATED! I fail a lot in my classroom. I fail honestly and because I try crazy things that I think will help my students learn. Many people look at me and wonder what I must be thinking. Some people shake their heads and tell me things will never work. They are usually right, but I love the trying. And for my students and I, we learn more from participating in our own failures than watching or thinking about someone else's success. I am inspired by my students and my daughter who urge me to keep doing because the doing is what matters.
It is a lot like this blog. Every week, I sit at my computer and I make myself think about what I cherish, and I write it. The writing is great and I really feel thankful I am spending at least an hour a week writing. But pushing that orange "Publish" button scares the crap out of me. What will people think? Will people read it? Does it matter? Nope--I'm taking a lesson from Liv, I'm putting it out there and trying to understand that it is the act of doing it that matters. Because I guess when it comes down to it, the consequences of failure should be measured not against the fear or humiliation, but the price of not doing, and for me, that cost is always higher.
Ahhhh.... "The act of writing turns out to be its own reward." -Bird By Bird
ReplyDeleteAnd, no, it doesn't matter if anyone reads it. You had the reward of forming those thoughts and funneling them from your mind and through your fingers then onto the page (or screen).