In order to find joy, we must embrace the challenge

HOORAY!  It's my favorite time of the year.  I love New Year's Day, and this entire season-more than any other part of the year (not weather related of course).  New Year's Day is my most favorite holiday of all of them.  It's because it's not about anything other than giving yourself permission to attempt to be better. New Year's is time to acknowledge your blessings and truly reflect on your goals.  My family traditions include sitting around all day and watching Netflix (I'm pushing for an all Gilmore Girls extravaganza of awesomeness-we are on the final season, and I hate it, but I will push on).  We will have a toast in our ONLY NEW YEARS ONLY fancy champagne flutes we got as a wedding gift, I will make black-eyed peas with ham and green vegetables with bacon and cornbread in a cast iron skillet, and we talk and laugh and love each other.  I freaking love this holiday!

As you may know if you read my blog, three years ago I stopped making resolutions. Instead, I began choosing a word of intention for the year.  I am staying with this again this year.  I have been thinking about what my word for 2016 will be, and I'll be blogging about it on New Year's Day.  This tradition has been a great one for me personally.  I love thinking about and focusing on a word that has the power to affect my thinking and my actions.  It has been incredibly powerful in my life.

This year, my word was "embrace."  I'm not being authentic if I write that I opened my arms and embraced this year of incredible change.  I chose the word because I knew this year would be challenging.  I have also thought about this blog, which I did not succeed at this year.  I have thought a lot about the purpose of writing all these things down.  Then, I went back and read some of the old posts.  This blog is my history.  It is me.  Right now I am going to embrace the fact that 2015 is ending.  It was a year of growth in my life.  It was a year that I humbly failed at some things.  I am thankful to embrace the fact that I have a long way to go.

In 2015 my son continued his journey to adulthood.  I knew I was going to have to embrace the fact that he has to struggle a little if he wants to be a good man.  I didn't do as well as I would have liked, but I believe our relationship today is one of much more mutual respect than it was this time last year. I have watched him make choices on his own.  It was really difficult this summer when instead of moving back to our home, he got his own place to live-his first home. The fact that he has become a wonderful cook and a kind friend has made me incredibly proud.  I have seen his generous heart in action. I have seen him face a challenge, and I am resolute and confident that he is going to be an amazing person.

My daughter turned 16 this year.  I did not do well embracing this challenge.  Holy macaroni, I was terrified.  However, last week she drove me around in her brand new, adorably perfect for her car and it was wonderful.  It was my turn to run the radio, and we laughed and listened to my playlist for a change. She is so much more capable than I would like to admit.  Today I met her at a local grocery store.  I walked in and she was shopping. I saw her before she saw me, so I watched her for a second before joining her.  She looked so confident and self-assured.  I stood in that store and tears welled up in my eyes.  I hope she knows how proud I am to be her mom.

I knew this year was going to be challenging for me at work.  Change was inevitable. I knew it would be easy to simply cross my arms and set my chin and be miserable. I would have plenty of company. On a lot of days-I failed to embrace change as I would have liked.  I failed more than I am proud of. I struggled and I fought myself.  But, my word kept bringing me back-I kept turning it over in my mind every time I heard myself resisting a new challenge.  I have really fought myself to embrace the things that will make me the best teacher I can be for the people I am privileged to serve and that I love so dearly.

I did embrace adventure in unprecedented ways.  My daughter and I traveled all alone to Europe.  I made a promise to myself I would try the food, refuse to miss anything, explore every opportunity we were given. We met some of the most amazing people and had the time of our lives.  Travel is truly fatal to prejudice and the greatest teacher.  I still can't believe we wandered all over Paris, just the two of us-lost as we could be, but continuing to laugh and explore and celebrate.  The memories I have will last forever.

I applied for and was accepted for a professional development in Washington D.C. at the US Holocaust Museum.  I went all by myself.  I promised myself I would not sit in the back and let this experience go to waste.  The first evening, I wandered through the national mall, basking in my favorite memorials and filling my heart and soul up with history and legacy.  I love DC and I was humbled and honored (and hungry). I met some of the most talented, intelligent, and compassionate teachers during this experience (#yellowdots4life).  I also embraced trying new curriculum and teaching my students something entirely new because of this experience.  I believe we are all better off because I refused to let my fear of really difficult content to override my belief that my students deserve to be trusted with the intellectual challenge they have earned.

I have a lot of new people on my team at work.  I am nothing if not an acquired taste.  Sometimes I can be really overwhelming to new people because I am kind of passionate about kids and education and I have a million ideas in my constantly moving and changing mind.  I will not lie-I was really scared on the first day of teacher back-to-school professional devevlopment.  However, my new team has been truly the biggest blessing.  I love each person I work with with my whole heart.  They have accepted me.  They keep me grounded. They make me want to be better every single day.  The teaching has changed! I am, for the first time in my career, advising a group of sophomores.  Every single day, for 30 minutes, I have the chance to talk and care about these 15 new people who are not students in my English class, but people in my awesome advisory "framily".  I'm working on it.  They are generous.  They are patient.  I am trying to be patient.  At our Christmas party we celebrated the fact that this was our first annual Christmas party.  I promise to do my best for them.

In 2015 I saw some of the most amazing people graduate.  I had an incredible number of students go away.  This was hard for me.  I have tried my best to send encouragement and love as I was awed by their success.  I loved last year's crew.  It was not possible for it to be better.  However, my word was embrace, and so I went into the first day of school ready to embrace whatever was going to happen. Best. Decision. Ever.  My new students are amazing. They are propelling me to be more curious and creative-to think in new ways and to show up every day ready to be challenged and to learn.  I am embracing the fact that I am a constantly changing person.

So, 2015 was a year of challenge.  I expect nothing less from 2016.  I am eager to welcome a new year.  I hope I am humble enough to recognize that my year of "embrace" was wonderful, challenging, flawed, perfect, and absolute necessary in my life's journey.  Happy New Year Friends.  I can't wait to see what comes next!